What do you expect from the man in your life? He is not the only one who should gain from the relationship, you know. Partners should consider what they have to offer and what they stand to gain from a relationship-in that order.
Christ laid down His life in order to gain us. This does not mean that you spill out all of your wonderful gifts in one overwhelming gush, nor does it mean you dole out generous heaps of wonderfulness on those who do not deserve. Janet Jackson sang a song several years back called “what have you done for me lately” I think a little more of these songs attitudes need to be adopted, but with careful balance.
God has decreed a list of responsibilities for men. They are responsible for their women spiritually and physically, to the point of being willing to lay down their lives. Once married, they are to care for their wives as if they were taking care of themselves. That means they should provide food and clothes, and take every precaution necessary to make sure she lives a safe and secure existence. But women’s expectations in light of present day desperation have been lowered and compromised.
Prospective husbands no longer have to court women, wine and dine them, or behave like gentlemen. Why? Because too many women are willing to fill in the blanks in the relationship in order to have a man. It is a pathetic state of affairs. And yet many of these women still end up unfulfilled or repeatedly alone.
Founder and President of Heart Wing Ministry, Michelle Hammond, says that several of her male friends have told her that they find women who are too eager very unattractive. Remember, nothing won easily is appreciated for very long. When we have to pay a dear price for something or someone, we treasure it always.
Making a wish
I would like to encourage you to do a little exercise. Write down the type of man you are looking for. Include, for instance, all of his qualities, and the way you will like to be treated. Write down on a separate list what your needs are in a relationship. I am speaking of realistic expectations such as considerate, communicative, has a vision for his life has an open conscience towards God. I am not saying he has to be rich, super-duper fine, knows the whole Bible by heart, movie-type romantic, or generous to breath taking proportions. Friendship and romance should be combined, because your mate should be your best friend. If you are in a relationship presently, check to see how many of the things on your list reflect your present situation. If not, why not?
Ask yourself why you give up the things on that list. If your response is “I was afraid I would be alone forever” consider this: something is not always better than nothing. In most cases, nothing offers more peace of mind and fewer battle scars. By the way, while you are being realistic, also be fair. Do not expect any more from your boyfriend than what you are willing to be yourself. If you want love and compassion, be a good listener and a blessing yourself. If you do not want a man who is in debt, get your own financial house in order. Remember, in most cases you get what you give, and you attract what you are.
Okay, so everybody does not have someone in their lives at the present time. Still, make your list. Habakkuk 2:2,3. “Write the vision, and make it plain upon tablets, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry”. If you think some of your expectations are a bit lofty, thus endangering your discernment with the men folk, ask a wise married friend to take a look at your list and tell you what is realistic.
Do not compromise the important things on your list. After you have spent your time grooming yourself to be a gift, make sure he is a good gift, too. Would you get on a plane if you knew the pilot was not qualified to fly? Then why will you consider marrying someone who is not qualified to be a husband? He certainly will not feel the need to change after you marry him-you have already given your stamp of approval “as is”. A woman who knows what she wants and what she deserves, and will not settle for less is considered a price catch by the male species-she is extremely beautiful and very desirable.
You need to know what you deserve so you can have what you deserve. Remember what God says a woman deserves. Men, who would be responsible for a woman spiritually and physically, who will lay down their lives for their wives, who will provide food, clothing and safety. Review these attributes until they get down in your spirit and ring in your ears and your heart.(Ephesians 5:25,26,28,29,31) you deserve to be nurtured, provided for and loved. If you find yourself like a step child in your relationship with a man, let go and let God bring you a man who knows what time it is. Don’t settle for less-that is what women in the world do, not the king’s (God’s) daughters who reside in their Father’s court.
Giving too much
The king’s daughters need not give too much too soon, a lifestyle that invariably proves to be detrimental. This concept takes a little longer to master, but it is crucial. Respect and trust have to be earned, so do not throw your best treasures at a man too quickly. Do not assume a role that you have not been given. In other words, do not do the things a wife does until you are a wife. Be a friend until he puts a ring in your finger. The humiliation of rejection after you have poured out your heart and soul to a person can be devastating. In the eyes of most men, they believe that if they had to fight hard to win you that means you will not be an easy catch for any other man. Something in the nature of men demand that they pursue and win their mates. This does not suggest that you should be difficult, but it implies that you should not be easy. Jacob did not mind working for 14years to have Rachael as his wife. Wouldn’t you like a mate who will desire you like that? I would.
Are you sick of waiting? God knows what he is doing, so get real. Get busy. Get a life. Because getting involved with man will not make you anymore of a complete person than you already are today. Every successful relationship requires dying to self, and dying to self is difficult. Even though the results ultimately bring more joy, it is a painful process, as you seek God’s best for your future.
…with Rose Hansey