Lasting and joyous marriage relationship does not just happen; you create and sustain it with continuous effort. Love, like a tree grows stronger when it is planted in a good soil, nurtured with clean water, fertilised often, and pruned. Many times a new tree must have support stakes to keep it from being destroyed by fierce winds and adverse weather while it comes to maturity.
Love fades in the environment of neglect, hostility and resentment. Love secrets will empower you to create a great relationship. You must become a lover, a skilled communicator in the language of the heart. Most married couples spent less than 30 minutes sharing their most intimate feelings. Love is not enough. It must be cultivated or it will die.
Love secret number one; what you are willing to walk away from will determine what God can bring you to
Let me give you these illustrations. Samson was a handsome and an athletic young man in ancient Israel. He was not attracted to any women in his faith. In spite of his parents’ warning, he chose to give his heart to Delilah, an unbeliever. Samson should have walked away instantly from Delilah, because the Bible says, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers,” (2Cor. 6:14). Samson’s bitter reward for not walking away was a cheap haircut that cost him his power with God. The anointing left him, and he didn’t know it. When the Philistines came to capture him, Samson said: “I will go out as before, at other times and shake myself free,” (Judg. 16:20). He engaged the Philistines in combat and was quickly conquered. They burned out his eyes with a hot poker and forced him to grind corn like an ox all the days of his adult life, all the while mocking him in their capital city.
All he had to do to have a successful and happy life was to walk away from Delilah. He could not, and it totally destroyed his life.
David should have walked away from Bathsheba. He did not, and he committed adultery with her. David entered into conspiracy to murder the husband of Bathsheba, Uriah, to hide Bathsheba’s pregnancy before the eyes of Israel. Their lust produced a child who died shortly after birth.
Prophet Nathan walked into the palatial chambers of King David, pointed his bony finger in the ashen-white face of the sovereign, and said: “you are the man!” (2 Sam.12: 7).
Because David did not walk away from Bathsheba, God promised that the sword would never depart from his house. (2 Samuel 12:10).
David’s son, Absalom, becomes a rebel who wanted to kill his father and take his kingdom from him. David’s son, Amnon, raped David’s daughter, Tamars. Absalom used David’s wives sexually in the sight of all Israel. David lived in shame and public ridicule until the day he died because of his illicit relationship with Bathsheba.
Is there someone in your life from whom you need to walk away? Before God can give you something that is better, He has to take that which is good away from you. And before He can give you what is best, He must take what is better away. If you do not trust God to bring you to your divine destiny, and absolutely believe that your best interest is His top concern, you will live in torment worrying over your relationships.
Let me tell you about Nana and Sarah. Sarah was a college graduate. She was dating a young man called Nana. His only two skills were he was a footballer in a local second division league and he enjoyed dancing. Sarah was raised in a Christian home. Nana was not a Christian. Their relationship grew into engagement. A moral crisis came into the life of this engaged couple and Sarah broke the engagement. She decided to walk away from Nana. It turned out to be the best decision she ever made in her life. However, at the moment, with her face covered in tears, she felt as though her true love was walking out of the door. After six months, Sarah met and married a brilliant young man. God rewarded her with a husband who was prince charming and remained so after twenty years of marriage.
Don’t be afraid to walk away from a relationship in your life if that person does not meet your spiritual requirements for a lifetime partner.
Love secret number two; the folly of believing “I understand her”
I understand her” has to be one of the most stupid remarks I hear young men make about their future wives. No, you don’t. She doesn’t understand herself. She cries when she is happy or for no reason whatsoever. At times she doesn’t even know why she cries. If you ask her why she is crying, she will tell you, “I don’t know.”
Stop believing that you understand her. Try to make everyday an adventure of goodwill rather than trying to understand her and structuring a relationship that will not survive the storms of life.
To be continued…
…with Rose Hansey