The way you look is important for him
Women should know how important it is to take care of themselves and not look like a slouch around their husbands. If a woman does not take care of herself, dresses sloppily around the husband all the time, never exercises, and has no energy to go out and do things together, her husband feels discouraged. It is very important for him. It affects her ability to do things and her self-worth and desire and then it affects him.
Many women feel that true love should come with no strings attached, but still, we want to be attractive while we were delighted that he liked our looks during courtship, we can find ourselves feeling outright resentful that our appearance still matters so much to him now. This is not about being overweight, though it is part of it. It is about showing your man that you are willing to make the effort to look your best all the time because it is very important to him.
Every man cares
In a survey stating that “imagine your wife is overweight, wears baggy dresses when you are home, and only does her hair and make up to go out”. What goes through your mind? Seven out of ten men indicated that they would be emotionally bothered if their woman let herself go and did not seem to want to make the effort to do something about it. Most men struggle with this issue. It does not mean that you have to look like a twenty-year old girl. But each man say that what mattered most to him was not that his wife shrank down to her honeymoon size, but that she was willing to make the effort to take care of herself (weight, neatness, dress, overall appearance) for him.
Why does your appearance matter?
Here is what men said, “When you take care of yourself, I feel loved.” Since men are so visual, seeing us make the effort to look good makes them feel loved and cared for. It matters to them in the same way it matters to us when we notice our husbands making an effort to do things that make us feel loved- especially when they are things that are difficult or don’t come naturally.
Consider one husband’s honest comment: “my wife is trying to slim down right now, and it makes me feel like a million bucks. I know she is also doing it for herself, but the fact that she cares about how she looks is a total turn- on, if you want to know the truth. I tell her all the time how much I appreciate the work she is putting into this.”
Because this area is so important to them, our efforts- or lack of it- directly affects their perception of our care for them. If you have a hard time believing that your man really cares about your efforts as much as your results, here is a helpful romance- related parallel. If your husband truly puts effort and thought into a romantic event, do you really mind if it is not perfect? If it is your birthday and you come home from work to find that he has gotten friends to watch the kids, the house has been cleaned , and he has slaved over a meal, are you really going to care if the fried meat is burnt? Of course not. You will feel loved and cared for.
It is the same for him. If you make the effort to go walking three times a week, to do your make up even if you are around only him, and to cut out sweet foods that you love in order to tackle your pregnancy pounds, he is not going to care if it takes you many months to reach your goal. He will appreciate the effort you are making for him. He will feel loved and cared for.
When you don’t take care of yourself, I feel unvalued and unhappy.
One man says, “Married women need to realize that their doubling in size is like a man going from being a manger to a daily worker- and assuming it has no effect on his spouse. A woman’s appearance is a simple yet important part of happiness in a marriage. A number of men love their wives, but are not happy, mainly for that reason.
A man wants to go out and do things with his wife- and it makes him feel so close to you. Men feel very sad when their wives don’t have the energy or desire to do things together. One man says, “We need to see that you care about keeping our attention on you- and off other women.
“Sometimes it is so hard for us to look away. It takes a lot of work and a lot of effort. But it helps me so much if I see that my wife is willing to do her part and purposefully work toward staying in shape and looking good.”
I want (and need) to be proud of you
Several men said, “I want to be proud of my wife. Every man has this innate competition with other men, and our wives are a part of that. Every man wants other men to think that he did well”.
The rule is: If you are not realistically happy with your overall appearance and fitness level, assume he is not either.
Your man wants to help you
One man puts it this way, “If a guy’s wife suddenly verbalizes that she is determined to drop some weight and needs his help, any guy is going to jump to it. What can I do? Here take some money!”
Eating good carbs and good fats
Many good books are available on what it really means to eat well and thus keep a healthy weight lifelong. Refer “The South Beach Diet” by Dr Arthur Agatston. Avoid bad carbs and bad fats.
God will help you
Now that your eyes have been opened to the fact that your efforts are actually so important to your husband (and, conversely, that your lack is effort is so hurtful), it makes a huge difference in your motivation. The Lord has blessed your desire to serve your husband and your marriage by giving you a permanent internal motivation to have a healthy “temple”. God will help you address this health and fitness issue in amazing ways, once you realize you need to. I hop you have read this prayerfully, allowing God to give you peace. God is a God of peace. And God- like our husbands- loves us no matter what our imperfections are.
…with Rose Hansey